Lines That are Good 101
by Domestic Servant
Summary: Sokka and Zuko always were prone to those moments of facepalming delight, but this is just ridiculous. Updated: A straight momma's boy is worse than a gay one. Especially if your name is Zuko.
1. You turn me on

**Disclaimed.**

_--_

_--_

_When man invented fire, he didn't say, "Hey, let's cook." He said, "Great, now we can see naked bottoms in the dark."_

_-Steve Moffat_

--

Zuko was down. He and Mai were having a little riff and it was clear that Zuko was losing steadily. He was just about this close to breaking and asking for forgiveness for whatever he may have done to wrong her. When Sokka (_who, along with the others, was there on the grounds that the Fire Lord and Lady were to have a small, informal dinner party_) confronted Zuko about how he had been acting like a pet lost in the rain as of late, he was confided in that Mai was expecting an apology from him for something he didn't know he even did. _If _that made any sense. To Sokka, it didn't make any sense, but he just nodded out of courtesy. When he found out that Zuko was planning on apologizing for the mystery bad deed, he was appalled, grabbing the Fire Lord on the shoulders and trying to shake some manly sense into him.

"Oh my _God_, you're _whipped!" _Sokka shrieked.

Immediately, Zuko halted the shaking, holding Sokka back with an arm. "Ex_cuse_ me?" he demanded. His nostrils flared and steamed. "_I'm _whipped? How about _you?"_

Sokka rolled his eyes. "Please, I never have to apologize for anything with Suki...well nothing_ serious. _I just use a pick-up line, which she thinks, and I quote, _they're embarrassingly cute. _She forgets the whole thing ever happened!"

"...A...pick-up line?" Zuko's curiousity was piqued. He had heard of them, yes, and have witnessed them in use. Mostly Ty Lee was on the recieving end, which wasn't surprising. But with other women, they seemed quite offended when a man used them. He voiced his concerns to Sokka, which the sword user quickly dismissed.

"If you're in a relationship, pick-up lines are just for laughs or, like, you know, a conversation starter...?"

This explanation seemed valid enough for the Fire Lord and the two proceeded to go over the best lines that Zuko could use.

--

Several hours later, after the dinner was served and eaten and the party and socializing had just begun, Zuko sidled up over to Mai who was currently having a conversation with Ty Lee and Katara. The three seemed to be getting along famously, Zuko observed. He took a deep breathe and put on a mischievous smile, just as Sokka instructed, and put his arm around his Fire Lady's shoulder.

"Baby, you make me firebend in places I never thought possible."

Sokka, who was proudly witnessing the whole ordeal, edged away quietly on his tippy toes when he saw Mai retract her open palm and slap Zuko right smack on the face.

--

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**Because you know Fire Nation would have the best pick-up lines!**

**Uhm, please review :) This is my first for the Avatar fandom...eheheh.**

**I'm pretty sure Zuko is out of character, but, hey, he had to be for this thing to work XP**

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Cheers!**

**EDIT/PS. This is now an anthology containing 101 snippets of various Avatar characters going to Sokka the pimp (you know he's one) for some love direction. It'll be updated whenever I get some inspiration. Which is going to be rarely seeing as school starts in LIKE LESS THAN A MONTH. But it'll be finished...hopefully.**

**SO GET READY.**


	2. Fire hazard

**Disclaimed.**

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_"If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out."_

_- George Brett_

--

It was safe to say that Haru was never very lucky with the ladies. He had a mustache that just didn't go too well with his face, plus...

Well...his lack of a ladyfriend pretty much was due to his unfortunate facial hair. And like _Hell_ he was going to shave that hardgrown 'stache off his for a girl.

Puh-leeze.

So Haru, not being there when Zuko had been bitch-slapped by his girlfriend due to advice given by Sokka, went to the said Southern Water Tribe warrior for some helpful assistance. He found him in a field, practicing his sword techniques.

The earthebender approached Sokka, his hands clasped behind his back, and a sheepish smile in place. "Hey...Sokka?"

Sokka was currently swishing around the black weapon and momentarily froze mid-swing when he heard Haru's voice. He turned around and sure enough, he was standing right there.

"Hey! I haven't seen you since...like...Zuko's coronation! What is _up?"_ Sokka playfully shoved Haru in the shoulder, who, in turn stumbled back a few feet as he was not expecting the Toph-like jab.

"Uhm, I need some help," he said after recovering.

"And you're coming to me, _why?" _He was used to his sister, Katara, being the one helping everyone. In fact, the last time he'd given advice and helped a friend out...

_Ahem, _well...

In the end, after much persuading by the Avatar, Zuko forgave him. _Kind of._

"You're always lucky with the ladies...and, well, I'm..._not."_

Sokka nodded, fully agreeing and rolled his eyes at how easy the solution to Haru's problem was. "Just shave off your mustache, dude."

"_I can't! _There has to be another way!"

"Ugh, _fine." _Sokka slumped his shoulders and put his sword back into the hilt, ready to help Haru out as much as he could. He didn't have much to do that day, anyway. "First off, do you happen to like a girl in particular?"

Haru thought hard. Well...

"There's this Firebender who's _real _pretty..."

"It's not Azula is it?"

The scandalized look on Haru's face was enough to make Ozai chortle in his prison cell. "_Hell_ no. Completely different!"

"Good. So...okay, this is easy. Just make her feel good about herself."

"Like, how?"

"Okay, so, just comment on how you've seen her firebend and ask for a friendly spar..." Sokka turned away, having just recieved a most cunning thought. He turned back to Haru.

"You wanna get into her pants?" he asked.

Haru blanked. "W-w-what?"

"I asked you if you wanted to get into her pants."

"I-I-I..."

That answer (or lack thereof) was enough for Sokka, who whispered to Haru behind his hand what he was to say during the spar...

That is, if Haru was successful to have a spar in the first place...

--

Lucky for Haru, the mysterious firebenderette was nice enough to give the earthbender a friendly fight. It was quickly known to all who were watching, including a conniving Sokka, that Haru was heavily outmatched by the firebender and all he could do was defend and try not to get hurt.

It was all going according to plan.

Haru, who had just dodged an especially large fireblast, glanced over to Sokka, who, in turn, gave him a thumbs up. '_Now,' _it translated.

Haru landed several feet away from the firebender. "Watch out," he started. The firebender looked on, confused. "You almost burned me...with your hotness!"

He earthbended his way over to the stunned girl. "Wanna make-out?"

The now-silent crowd of spectactors looked on in disbelief. Sokka, however, was trying to hold in laughter. Though his jovial laughs turned into an expression of terror when the firebender girl narrowed her eyes and singed Haru's mustache off.

Haru dropped down onto his knees and cried out to the heavens in horror of his lost facial hair. The firebenderette stepped over to his pitiful, crying form and handed him a slip of paper that contained her address. She stepped over him and walked away, chuckling.

--

--

**Yes, I don't know much about Haru, so if he seems to be way out of character, it's because I don't remember how his personality was in the actual show. All I know is that he has a mustache and it looks _weird._**

**Also, a heads up now, any pick-up line that may come in later chapters (including this and previous one), they're from this amazing website: linesthataregood **

**It's a dot-com website so if you ever want to visit just for laughs, or you actually rely on those shmucky lines, that's the site for you! It's fantastically categorized, too!**

**Anywho, I hope this was all right. I tried my best with Sokka's dialogue. I'm not too familiar with Avatar fiction just yet, and I'm not confident enough to make them say things they would never say and still keep them in character (_if that makes sense. IT'S POSSIBLE!). _So yeah. Any suggestions on future chapters, like perhaps characters, situations, etc. I'll consider writing into the thing, seeing as it's a partial one-shot collection. Though all of the chapters will be slightly linked together. As it goes on, there will be references to previous chapters.**

**I hope you stick around to see to the end :)**

**And don't forget to reviewwww!**

**Salud!**

**PS. If you're wondering, yes, Haru was successful, at the cost of his mustache. Also, inter-nation relationships iare/i acceptable in this little version of the Avatar-verse, if that wasn't clear enough alread :)**


	3. Freedom Kiss

**Disclaimed.**

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_"Mieux vaut tard que jamais."_

_-French Proverb_

--

It was a breezy day in Ba Sing Se. Aang, of course, being the Avatar and having business to attend to in the large city, decided to take advantage of the nice weather and relax in Iroh's teashop. Katara had set her and Aang up on a double-date with her brother, Sokka, and Suki.

Now, being it only a year after the war, Aang was only 13, going on 14, and was quite inexperienced in the field of love and relationships. Sure, he had all of the past avatars to go to when he needed some assistance, but, needless to say, there was always that generation gap that made the advice useless.

So he and Katara never really went further than simple kissing. It was sad really...but Sokka wouldn't have it any other way.

This was his baby sister after all, and Avatar or not, he wasn't comfortable knowing that Katara was going to end up doing..._things..._with him.

The only plus side, he had decided, was that it was Aang she was with and not some other guy. Like Zuko. Who knows how horny that bastard was.

After all, he's a _firebender._

But still, he wasn't exactly 100 percent peachy keen with Katara and Aang.

Of course, Aang didn't know about Sokka's reluctance to accept the fact that Katara was going to grow up someday. To him, the double-date was going just fine: as smooth as a spring breeze. Sokka would crack stupid jokes, Suki would laugh out of affectionate pity, Katara would roll her eyes, and Aang would laugh heartily along with the warrior. It was going well.

Aang sighed. He was really starting to get into a slump with Katara. He needed help and bad. He was afraid that he was boring her with his immature age and mannerisms and experience.

It's not like he could just up and stick his tongue down her throat! He was still shorter than her, for God's sake.

He chugged his tea down, noticing that Sokka was getting up to use the restroom and got up to follow him.

"Hey," he started. "I need to ask you something."

Sokka looked around the bathroom, and then at Aang. "You do know where we are right?"

"Uh, yeah," he answered, confused.

"Well, there's no talking in the men's room. It's so unmanly. And plus, I can't pee with distractions."

"Then I'll wait. But it's important, so hurry up."

Sokka rolled his eyes and looked up at the ceiling, puffing his cheeks out. He could feel Aangs waiting eyes boring into his...oh God he _hoped _Aang was staring at his head.

He was too afraid to glance at him to see what he was looking at, if you catch my drift.

"Urgh, fine, ask away," he sighed in defeat. At the rate he was going at, his bladder wasn't planning on emptying anytime soon. He might as well take advantage of the moment. Then maybe Aang would leave and give him some peace and quiet.

"Okay, well, I just wanted to know about..." he trailed off. Sokka beckoned him on impatiently with a hand. "..well.."

Aang bent towards Sokka secretively, glancing around the room. "_French kissing," _he finished.

Sokka bladder had then decided to open and well, let's just say that Sokka _missed._

The two stood awkwardly, Aang awaiting an answer, and Sokka furiously washing his hands. Finally, the older boy turned to the Avatar, wiping his hands on his pants.

"And who, may I ask, are you using this _French kissing on?_"

"Well who do you think?" Aang deadpanned.

Sokka's eyes twitched, hoping that this sort of thing would never come up. Ever. Maybe it was just his wishful thinking that Aang would always stay an immature 13-year old boy. But really, French kissing? He couldn't handle it!

"You're so lucky you're not Zuko," he said, narrowing his eyes. Aang, not knowing of Sokka's inner-monologue of the pros and cons of Aang and Katara being together rather than her and Zuko, cocked his little bald head in confusion.

"So...can you tell me about French kissing?" he asked, hope sparkling in his eyes.

Sokka looked at Aang disbelievingly. "Hell. No." Avatar or not, Sokka was _not_ going to nudge his baby sister's boyfriend along the road of lovin'. Not a chance. With that thought, Sokka nodded to himself and walked out in a self-righteous march, leaving Aang in the bathroom, shoulders slumped in defeat.

Looks like woo-ing Katara would have to wait...

--

--

**Hahaha, guys, this one is kinda weird. I have plans for this little plotline. It'll resurface plenty more times as this anthology goes on, just watch for it :)**

**And sometimes, I think people write Aang too experienced, especially in the immediate period after the war. I mean, come on, first there's the 100-year gap. I would assume they did things differently way back then...plus he was stuck in an ice burg and he spent most of his time before getting frozen playing and training for becoming the Avatar. He's not going to up and become Mr. Smooth right after his and Katara's lovey-dovey moment in the finale. Though don't get me wrong :D I'm not singling anyone out here or pointing any fingers. It's just my opinion and reasoning as to why Aang is acting like he is in this little...one-shot thang.**

**MMkay? Ahaha, anywho. **

**Sokka seems like the guy who'd have an older-brother complex with Katara, especially around guys. I'm sorry if that's dead wrong. I don't remember how he acted when Jet was first introduced...that was a long, long time ago. But _hey, _over-protective Sokka makes for good humor :D**

**And if anyone gets the Scrubs allusion in this...I'll give you a hint. It's when Turk and Dr. Cox are on a certain _schedule..._:cough:**

**I hope you enjoyed XP**

**Tell me what ya think!**

**Ciao :)**

**PS. The quote at the top, the literal meaning is translated to: _Better late than never._**


	4. The Art of Stalking Pt 1

**Disclaimed. **

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_"He in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him."_

_-Henry Fielding_

--

Now, as you all remember, Sokka was in Ba Sing Se. He had found himself frequenting The Jasmine Dragon quite a bit, heavily enjoying the affordable tea.

He had had a few days of complete peace and quiet and he was taking full advantage of them, knowing they were fated to end soon. He didn't know when, but he did know it would be very, very, _very _soon.

He knew it was going to be so soon he just might _die _the minute Zuko and Mai walked into the tea shop and sat across from him. What could they possibly want from _him? _

"Sokka, I have a stalker," stated Zuko. Mai, sitting beside him, nodded in the affirmative.

Sokka, wholey not caring in the slightest, looked at the Fire Lord with a blank expression.

"And you're telling me because...?"

"You owe us!" said Mai, crossing her arms.

"Well, you owe _me,"_ Zuko corrected. "I was completely humililated at that dinner party because of _you._ And the Avatar even said that you have to do any reasonable favor for me to compensate."

"It was your fault you even listened to my advice! Compensate yourself. And anyway, getting rid of _your _stalker doesn't sound like a reasonable favor."

Zuko stared at Sokka for a few long seconds. "Anyway, her name is Jin and she lives in Ba Sing Se. Luckily, you're here already so you already have one thing down. She thinks my name is _Li _for reasons that would take too long to relay to you, but please, just get her off my back..."

He leaned towards Sokka, glancing at Mai from the side. "Mai's been getting real pissed off lately because of it and well, let's just say I'm very _frustrated."_

Sokka's face literally turned green. "Woah, man. I did _not _need to know that. And did you listen to a word I even said?"

The Fire Lord gave the warrior a grateful smile and patted him harshly on the shoulder, causing the boy to flinch in pain. "Thanks! I'd say I owe you one, but...I don't! Make sure you get rid of her soon, 'cause my Uncle is holding a small party here next month. I don't want her crashing, know what I mean?"

Sokka stared at the couple's retreating backs and stared at the empty chairs across from him, registering what had just happened.

"I've just been _jipped! _By _Zuko!"_

Iroh lumbered jovially on past the young adult and patted his belly, laughing. "My nephew has selective hearing. Believe me, he's impossible."

Sokka slammed his head on the table in defeat.

So _this _was karma.

--

--

**Mmkay, so this little story-line will probably span a few chapters with a little sprinkling of add-ons that can allow them to stand on their own as well. **

**Haa, I've always wondered what would happen if Jin and Mai and Zuko all ran into each other. Ahaha.**

**_"Li?"_**

**I luffles Zuko! Yay XDD**

**Sokka, too, whom this anthology is mostly centered around.**

**And don't fear, Toph will make an appearance...sometime in the future. Don't know when, but she's my favorite female character next to Azula. Can't not include her, you know?**

**Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed. This is just a small farewell present to the summer break that I'm going to miss dearly. School starts in less than 24 hours. Sad.**

**Don't forget to review and remember, any suggestions will be appreciated and for the most part used. Hahaha, I've been kinda blah on plotlines lately XPP**

**Sankyuuuu :)**

**PS. Tege: Answer - You'd be surprised XDDD**


	5. The Art of Stalking Pt 2

**Disclaimed.**

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_"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."_

_-Dave Barry_

--

"He's abusing his power as Fire Lord! I mean, _seriously_!"

Sokka slammed his fists on the table, causing Iroh to flinch. He had been enlisted by Sokka to help him find this girl and make her understand that the object of her affections didn't even exist. He called it, Operation: Get Rid of Zuko's Stalker Before Iroh's Party...

Or, since Sokka was into fancy acronyms, Operation: Grozsbip.

"I think you may be overreacting, Sokka," he said inbetween sips of his jasmine tea.

"No! I am not! I actually have a_ life_, you know."

The tea shop, bustling with customers and life, stopped dead. Even the crickets were silent.

"What? _What_?! It's _true_! _Urgh_!!"

Fuming, Sokka turned towards the Fire Lord's uncle. "Okay, so what now? Where is this chick, anyway?"

Iroh shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, here and there. I bump into her on occasion. Sometimes, if she knows Zuko is going to be here, she'll come by..."

Sokka, who's forehead was currently resting on the tabletop, snapped up his neck, flinched from the whiplash, and looked at Iroh straight in the eye with sparkles and hearts arising from his persona.

"I have a _plan!"_

--

The two conniving men waited by the counter, Sokka rubbing his hands together and Iroh sipping his bottomless cup of jasmine tea, waiting for the bait to catch the lure.

Or, rather, Jin to spot the Li (_who was really Zuko_).

Previous in the day, Iroh and Sokka had made sure to announce to all the rings of Ba Sing Se that _Li _was going to be at the Jasmine Dragon the whole entire day. They even put up flyers.

"You think she's gonna come?" asked Sokka, after his hands were rubbed raw.

"I would assume so."

Suddenly the bell overhanging the door rang, signalling a customer. Sokka, learning from his previous swift lift of the head, slowly looked upwards, not wanting to get another terrible whiplash. Iroh just happily sipped his tea.

Unknowingly, of course, Sokka's facial expression was that of joy and hope. Hope signifying that the customer was Jin and that this stupid Operation: Grozsbip would be over by tonight...but his face quickly dropped into a scowl when he saw it was just Zuko and Mai...again.

What were they doing here, anyway?

"Uh, what are you two doing here? We're kinda busy," said Sokka. A tumbleweed brushed past the four, along with a harsh, dusty wind.

"Busy. Right," said Mai, rolling her eyes. She scanned the room and, having her eye being caught on a most interesting object, patted Zuko on the arm and pointed it out.

"We were just here to...what? _What_?" Zuko, interrupted mid-sentence by the fidgety Mai, looked to where she was pointing. "_Why_ is there a life-size cardboard cut-out of my sitting there?"

Sighing like the answer was the most obvious in the world, Sokka leaned coolly over the counter. "It's a lure, obviously. To catch your stalker."

Zuko looked around the room. "Well the bait _sucks_."

"Nephew, I hope you just realized what you just said," advised Iroh, happily sipping his tea.

Thinking for a moment, the Fire Lord snapped his fingers in agitation. "Dammit! I _always_ do that!"

All was silent for a few moments when yet another ring was heard in the doorway. Almost simultaneously, the four turned towards the sound, not surprised to see an unidentifiable silhuoette standing against the rays of the setting sun.

"Li?" it said.

Sokka did a facepalm. "Why must my life be full of stupid, _stupid _moments?"

--

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**Okay, I have a feeling the quality of this sucks and all. But it was the first day of school and I felt like updating this, ahhaa XDD**

**I hope the ending isn't so bad! I only spent, like, less than 45 on this ..**

**Not much to ramble on about this one except that Iroh is a really hard character to write for and Zuko is really dumb in this one-shot. Oh well. I guess we'll just have to deal!**

**Anyway, the usual, tell me what you think blabla, this and that. I love reviews, really. I think everyone does, ahhaha.**

**They make my day, which are now that much more horrible now that school started. OKAY, I'm being dramatic, it's not that bad, ahha.**

**But yeah. Review, por favor :)**

**Hope you enjoyed and found it even mildly amusing!**

**Cheers.**


	6. The Art of Stalking Pt 3

**Disclaimed.**

--

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"_If I play a stupid girl, and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through. What am I supposd to do, look intelligent?"_

_-Marilyn Monroe_

--

"Well isn't this a most surprising development!" Iroh commented, sipping his tea.

The room held the atmosphere (_and music_) of an old, 70's Western film in the middle of a saloon fight. A mysterious silhuoette was in the middle of the doorway and Zuko, Mai, and Sokka stood staring.

"Li?" the figure asked, hope arising in her voice.

Zuko's eyes widened to a comical size as the person stepped over the threshold. It was Jin.

...You know, that one chick who totally almost bagged Zuko in Ba Sing Se before he defected and fell to the dark side with his sister and thus hooked up with Mai --

"_Uncle! _That isn't necessary!"

"I am sorry, Nephew, but I thought that maybe some people would need background info on the situation."

Whilst Zuko fumed at his Uncle's obvious lack of keeping personal information private, Mai and Jin had begun a fierce and intense staring contest.

All the while, Sokka stood idle, not knowing what to do. As much as he wanted to leave, he did owe Zuko the favor of getting rid of Jin-the-stalker. And being a warrior, he rarely ever went back on his promises, even if they were made against his will and were just utterly made of stupid.

"Damn you Aang," he grumbled to himself.

Stepping up to the scorned Fire Lord, amused Iroh, and warring females, Sokka cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Jin, Mai, Zuko, Iroh," he started, ignoring Jin when she corrected Sokka, stating that Zuko's name was actually Li. "As much as I enjoyed this little adventure, I have a little date tonight that I need to get ready for in about 20 minutes. So let's just wrap this party up within the next 15, okay?"

Mai looked like she wanted to sputter in disbelief. Though the sputtering was done by Zuko on her behalf while she stood staring at Sokka. As Zuko sputtered, Mai crossed her arms and cocked her eyebrow. "This isn't a party, dumbass. This chick wants to steal my boyfriend."

"And now you know how I felt at that stupid beach party!" said Zuko, in all of his self-righteous Fire Lord glory and ego.

Mai glanced at Zuko, not remembering the beach party at all. "At the _what_ now?"

Effectively deflated, Zuko sighed. "Ty Lee would've remembered."

"Oh is Ty Lee another one of your mistresses?" shot Jin, not wanting to be kept out of the conversation. This chapter arc was about _her _and she'd be damned if she only got one line!

"Zuko, what did I tell you about mistresses!" scolded Iroh. "Don't you remember when I gave you _the talk?! _It's best to just have one lady."

"His name is _Li_!"

"It's _Zuko._"

"Uh huh, right."

Jin scowled at Mai, who, in turn, scowled back. Zuko frowned from Iroh repeatedly embarrassing him and Sokka was pulling at his ponytail in exasperation.

"Will you guys -- _Urgh_. I swear this is the most idiotic thing I have ever been dragged into in my _life!"_

He stomped over to Jin. "His name is _Zuko _and he's the _Fire Lord. _That over there --" he pointed to Mai, who protested fro being called a _that, _"Is Mai, his girlfriend. Okay? Now go stalk someone else. Where's Jet when you need him, dammit!"

Jin looked over to the royal couple, Mai holding on to Zuko and smirking at her, with tears brimming in her eyes. She turned to Iroh, who only shrugged with a '_what can you do' _expression.

She turned around, running out of the shop, sobbing. Mai wasn't affected by her overly dramatic display of heartache, but _oooh_ boy, Zuko was.

"You made her _cry!"_

This time, it was Sokka's turn to sputter. "I had to! I have a date!"

"You made a _girl cry."_

"You told me to handle this!"

_"_Man, after that stupid pick-up line crap, I was dumb enough to go to you for help _again?"_

_"_What's that supposed to mean?"

_"Zuzu_, let's go home."

Zuko turned away from the emotionally destructive Water Tribe warrior and walked out of the tea shop with Mai. Hey! It wasn't his fault he was so sensitive. And he always hated seeing a girl cry...

He glanced over his shoulder. "Sokka, this is the last time I'm asking for help from _you!"_

Sokka rolled his eyes. "Oh no. How will I ever survive?" he deadpanned.

"My nephew is so silly," laughed Iroh, wiping the counter. "It's a wonder how he's able to run the Fire Nation so efficiently."

"I'm leaving. This was so exhausting. I hope I never have to do anything like this ever again."

And up in the stars, the spirits snorted with laughter.

_'Keep dreaming, Sokka.'_

_--_

_--_

**Ahaha, I'm sorry if you haven't noticed this, but this little anthology is complete crack in a can. Disregard all of my apologies for my lack of keeping people in character. **

**I prevail at crack, anyway.**

**So uhm, the end of the Stalker arc. Don't get me wrong, I don't have an unusual dislike for Jin. She's cool. I'll warn you now that you'll be seeing many, many likable characters being messed around with and crapped on. **

**LIKE SOKKA! FTW!**

**Hyep. I hope you enjoyed! Especially the ending. I felt the last thing Sokka said wasn't conclusive enough so I just slapped in the spirits. Hey! When in doubt, use the spirits, eh?**

**Review, por favor. It's much appreciated and really inspires me :D**

**Ciaaaao.**


	7. Freedom Toast

**Disclaimed.**

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_"They sing, they will pay."_

_-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow_

--

Sokka had finally gotten out of the stressful confines of Ba Sing Se and was now on his way home, where he would meet his whole family, including his grandparents, parent, sister, and her boyfriend, and play catch up. Though it was only recently that Aang and Katara had paid him a visit, bringing along Suki and resulting in a heavily awkward double-date thanks to Aang and his intentions of french-kissing his sister, he brought along with him his most unfortunate happenings in the grand Earth Kingdom city.

His advice? _Never stick around the Royal Couple for too long._

It'd only result in bad luck and more bad luck. He concluded it to be because of Zuko's obviously defected genes. Somehow, they must be contagious.

Sokka leaned over the ledge of the ship that he was currently residing and breathed in the homely scent of the dry, salty air of the South Pole. It was familiar and welcome, after spending so many months in the dusty Earth Kingdom doing God knows what.

What _was_ he doing there, anyway?

Reciting haikus? Honestly, he couldn't remember. Not that it really mattered. What mattered now was that he was finally in sweet home Southern Water Tribe and he was damned well going to make the most of it!

His eyes squinted as he caught a glimpse of what seemed to be a small strip of white ice getting nearer and nearer on the horizon. As the ship closed in, he found that it was land and soon, the docks and other ships were beginning to dot the edge.

"LAND! _LAND_!" he shrieked, running this way and that. He unsheathed his sword and swooped it around and around in a victorious manner, as if he had just won the most glorious and substantial of battles. Needless to say, the crew refused to stand within a 40' radius of Sokka. In fact, after Sokka took out his boomerang and began celebrating with_ both_ of his weapons, everybody relocated to the lower decks. Sokka had all the freedom and room he needed on the ship to get rid of all the tension and anticipation that was building up within him on the idea of finally, _finally_ going home.

"_STEWED SEA PRUNES HERE I COME_!"

The ship was now near enough so that even smaller dots could be made out by the docks. They were people-like dots and Sokka was sure as all Hell that the people-like dots were waiting for _him._

_Him! _

_He _was being _waited _for.

As soon as the bow of the vessel tapped the nearest dock, Sokka did an impressive leap over the edge and landed as majestically as a professional gymnast, though Sokka probably didn't even know what a gymnast was.

"Faaaamilyyy!" he cried running towards them in the manliest way possible, arms outstretched, and ready for a huge group hug.

"It's so good to see you, son," said Hakoda, Sokka and Katara's father. Sokka took a fleeting glance at Aang, hoping that Hakoda wasn't going to end up anyone's father-_in_-_law _anytime soon...he hugged both Katara and his father tight, and gave a good, brotherly pat on the shoulder to Aang.

Stopping short, he reduced the brotherly pat to a _friendly _pat. Sokka didn't want to give Aang any ideas.

Soon, Kana and Pakku joined in the reunion circle of hugs and laughter and the group set on their way to the Southern Water Tribe to feast on blubber and prunes.

_This_ was the life.

--

As the evening progressed, Sokka found himself watching the interactions between his sister and the Avatar very carefully, studying every move and glance and shift in weight. Ever since Aand came to him in the bathroom with his question on _French Kissing, _his over-protective-older-brother button had been turned on. His dad seemed to like Aang and frankly, he didn't mind if a wedding was eminent, so Sokka was in this alone. It wasn't that he didn't like Aang. Because, of course, he did! He adored the little man as if he were his younger brother who was related by blood and _not _by marriage. What he _didn't_ like, was the fact that this little man soon might be on his way to defiling Katara in every way imaginable in all sorts of screwed up manners.

He narrowed his eyes as his thoughts wandered off to the time when Zuko was still a noob in their little group and the Fire Nation Prince and his sister had gone off to do something about Raiders in the South and their mom who was dead.

_"So, can I borrow Momo for a week?"_

_"Why do you need Momo?"_

He shook his head, mentally slapping himself for possibly giving Aang ideas. Though it was true that the week he had Momo all to himself with Suki was one he'd never forget, he didn't want the same to happen to Katara. No, he was going to be the best (_or worst, it depends on who you ask_) big brother and protect her innocence for as long as he can!

Not realizing that he was staring into the fire like a feral tigerdillo, Katara reached across and snatched his cup of tea away from him.

"Hey! What the hell was that for?!" he protested.

"You were going to crush it. What's got you all intense anyway?"

"...jkasdfkal;," he mumbled.

Katara gave him a _look. _Yeah, _that _look, and declared that she was going to sleep as it was late and she had stuff to do in the morning. This left only Sokka and Aang in the tent and both boys were surrounded by a thick atmosphere of manly tension. Not sexy tension, _manly _tension.

This ain't a slash, folks.

"Hey Sokka," started Aang, unsure of what to say. He was holding a plate of toasted bread, as he had no way of possibly stomaching neither the blubber or the prunes. "You want some toast?"

Sokka snapped his head up, forgetting his painful lesson in doing so and resulting in whiplash that he had endured in Ba Sing Se. "Ow -- and no. I do not want your toast..." He thought carefully for a moment, wishing that he still had his fake beard so that he could stroke it. "I want your intentions. With my sister."

Not in the least taken aback, Aang answered. "Uhm, I'm her boyfriend. It's not like we're doing anything _now. _But soon enough, you know, I mean..._later_, when we're older...Well what do you and _Suki _do?"

From inside Sokka's constantly running mind, flashed of past events with Suki and a tent and Momo and some branches were underway. "No! That's none of your business! If I ever catch you and my sister trying anything _funny...and don't even go near Momo. OR _Appa, for that matter...but if I see anything suspicious..."

He grabbed the plate of toast from Aang's hands.

"There ain't gonna be no more Avatar reincarnations," he said, spitting crumbs in all directions.

Aang sighed. "So I take it that you're never going to help me woo your sister?"

"Damn straight."

"Can you just give me some _pointers_? They don't even have to be physical!"

Sokka narrowed his eyes. Well, if it wasn't a _physical _woo.

"Well in _that _case..."

--

The next morning (_rather, it was still night_), Katara woke up to a slightly off-key strumming and tone deaf singing, which sounded as if the singer had something in his mouth.

"K'tawaaa,

You are mah W'taaaaa --

Twvibe Girrrrr.

K'tawaaaaa,

You comp'weeeee

Mah worrrrrrr.

K'tarwaaa,

You mah f'wevaaaaaa --

Eva, ewa, ewa, eva, eva, ewa, eva, eva, ewa, ewa, eva, ewa, eva, ewa

Girrrrrrrr!"

Behind a snow mound, Sokka nodded in appreciation of his own his efforts, though his ear plugs completely snuffed out the horrible singing of the Avatar.

He started to wonder if it was possible to Vocal Chord Bend?

The Avatar had his eyes closed, not knowing that Katara had rushed out of her tent to see what was dying. She was surprised to see that nothing, in fact, was dead or near it and that it was just her boyfriend singing.

"Aang!" yelled Katara. Though it was shrill, her voice was drowned out by him. "AANG!"

"Ewa, ewa, ewa, eva, ewa, eva, eva

Girrrrr-her-her-hrrrrrr!"

He finished with a theatrical spin in the air and landed at the opening of Katara's tent. Peeking inside, he found that she was not present.

"Awe mah. Ah dat wor f'r nofin."

"Oh it wasn't for nothing, Aang," said Katara, tapping her foot on the ground and startling the Avatar. He swooped around quickly and smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Meanwhile, Sokka was having the time of his life watching. He harshly bit off a piece of seal jerky as the show progressed.

Katara's expression softened as she smiled appreciatively at her boyfriend. "That was nice and all, but if you ever sing again, I'll make sure you never _talk _again."

At that, Aang's hands subconsciously made their way up to protect his voice box. He nodded swiftly in understanding.

"And where in the world did you get that instrument and rose?" she asked incredulously.

He noticed that he still had the flower inbetween his lips and spat it out immediately. "Oh, these?"

Aang pointed to wear Katara's brother was sitting in the bushes. "Sokka," he answered.

--

Later that day, screams could be heard throughout the village. Knowing the voices all too well, Hakoda, Pakku, and Kana decided not to investigate and let it work itself out.

_"AAAAANG! YOU -- COLDCOLDCOLD -- TRAAAAAAITOOOOOORRRRR! "_

_"How's THIS for a slice of FRIED GOLD?! HUH?! HUH?! YOU GONNA GET INTO MY AFFAIRS?!"_

_"KATARAAAA THAT -- OW -- MAKES NOT SEEENSE!"_

_--_

_--_

**Hey guys. Here's, a new one-shot. I'm sure it's self-explanatory.**

**Sokka, Sokka, Sokka. Always causing pain to himself.**

**Hope you liked and please review? Ahahaha :D**


	8. The Best One Wins

**Disclaimed.**

--

--

_"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."_

_-Sam Levenson_

--

"But she said she didn't need any protection! I only assumed..."

"Zuko, when a woman says that to you, do not assume that she is being serious. Es_pe_cially in a matter like this."

"That was such a sexist comment, Sokka, it's unreal."

"Go_ away,_ Katara. This is man-to-man talk, here."

"Fine, fine."

"Good, now that she's gone...Well, I don't really need to repeat myself, right?"

"_Please_ don't."

"Okay, Zuko, it's your fault, anyway. Had it not been for your efficient sperm, this never would've happened. If anything, it's a blessing in disguise. Think about it: the _best _one wins! Right?"

"Sokka, have you seen my sister?"

"Oh. Right. Well it's still you're fault!"

"..."

"I have nothing else to say to you, man."

"..."

"Nope. Nothing."

_"But she said she didn't need any protection!"_

_--_

_--_

Zuko, Zuko, Zuko. Never trust a woman when she speaks! Though, being one myself, I can't really say that saying is true...if it even is a saying. Wow, I've been on an updating rampage today. First my drabble thing, then a Naruto fic, and now this :) I'm so proud. Maybe it's cause I finished my homework? Ahahah.

Poor Mai didn't think that Zuko would take her comment _that _far. Now he done got her knocked up.

Hope it got you some laughs, brightened your day, whatever :)

and...re...VIEW!

_Dag!_


	9. Too Soon

**Disclaimed.**

--

_"Do you know what'd look good on me? You."_

_--_

"And you wonder why she's pregnant. Seriously, Zuko, you are hopeless. I'm beginning to question why Iroh allowed you to have the throne."

"Shut _up."_

"I mean seriously, even I wouldn't give you that advice."

"Yeah, you would."

"Uh huh."

"My face still hurts from that slap at that dinner party so long ago. I think she killed some nerves."

"It's your responsibility to take or not to take my wise words."

"..."

"But, I guess, it worked, right? The line?"

"Too well. You see the situation it's got me in."

"It won't be so bad! Just stop at the first child! With your luck, they'll end up a tea-lover like Iroh, and only an idiot, like you! As opposed to a manipulative child abuser like 'ol whatisface and Azula :D"

"Just stop. Now."

"Just sayin' it could be worse."

"Nothing could be worse than this."

_"Zuko! I have just finished speaking with your lovely Mai and her physicians! You're having TWINS!"_

--

--

Oh, Zuko! You do give me my giggles!

Okay, guys, until next time. I'm actually thinking about just redoing this and making it Maiko-centric? With some Sokka.

Same title and everything, just a different premise. Tell me what you think about the idea, though :)

_Adios_


	10. I Get Around

**Disclaimed.**

**--**

_"I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming." -Homer Simpson_

**--**

"Wow, Zuko. Congrats on the pregnancy!" Aang and Zuko shared a most manly one-armed hug as their respective ladies stood by, making awkward small talk.

_"So...how about that weather?"_

_"Too hot."_

_"I...know what you mean. Being...Water Tribe and all..."_

_"Sure."_

Aang narrowed his eyes, surveying the room, and when he was satisfied, he led a reluctant Fire Lord to a dark, discreet corner.

An enthusiastic gleam in his eyes, much to Zuko's horror, Aang took Zuko by the shoulders, ready to ask him a question conerning the courting of Katara. Unluckily for him, Zuko took the touch the wrong way and threw the smaller-than-him airbender to the side, effectively knocking Sokka, who was hiding in a plant, holding a spyglass that was not being used to spying on his sister, and giving as much distance between him and the Avatar as humanly possible.

"HOLYSHI-- I DON'T BEND THAT WAY!"

In all the excitement that had passed, someone in the crowd who had had sneaking suspicions of the preferences of Fire Lord Zuko in all the time she had known him, disguised her distinct voice and called out:

_"Suuuuuure you don't, Momma's boy."_

_--_

_--_

_And enter: Azula!_

This is complete crack and I'll say now that the character will rarely be in character, if ever. Be warned :)

And this is a filler drabble; I do plan to continue this, albeit a tad different.

:)

_Arrividerci!_


	11. Turn on the Bass

**Disclaimed.**

--

_"Mothers a fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own." - Aristotle_

--

The room stood eerily quiet as the crowd registered the words that had come from the mystery spectator. Five seconds later, the entirety of the hall burst into a booming fit of laughter, the palace vibrating under the bass of the jovial guffaws.

Needless to say, a certain blind earthbender was being temporarily blinded, figuratively speaking, since she was blind to begin with but she could also see with her feet and yaddayaddayadda.

But that was beside the point.

Sokka jumped out of his hiding place, the miniscule bush, and walked over to Zuko, pointing his seeing glass and laughing and pointing and laughing. All in equal intervals.

"_MOMMA'S BOY! YOU'RE A MOMMA'S BOY!_"

As Sokka laughed and repeated the hilarious accusation, the cloaked mysterious figure who started this whole laugh-fest snuck up next to Sokka and whispered in his ear.

"_AND YOU'RE GAY! HAHAHA GAY MOMMA'S BOY WHO'S HAVING TWINS WITH AN EMOTIONALLY BARREN FEMALE_!"

Said emotionally barren female righteously whapped Sokka upside the head, and said gay momma's boy righteously kicked him in the gut.

"I am _NOT_ gay!_ Idiot_!"

Poor Zuko though, having never thought things through, forgot to remedy the other problem. His defense in the homosexuality rightly cleared up that misconception real quick, but not including that he was not a momma's boy (_which he was_) added fuel to the fire and now everyone was certain that he was one (_which he was_).

Red Shoe Guy, who was for some reason present, stepped from the crowd of nameless party-goers, and pointed in his face. "Straight momma's boy!"

And cue the deafening (_and blinding in one certain case_) laughter.

Again.

--

--

This needed to be updated. Plus, I was in the mood. Ahahaha, pure crack. Pure. I hope you got some laughs =]

_Adios!_


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